Tuesday, 26 April 2011

Thats new


Monday, 18 April 2011

best of best ..

Extremely funny hilarious

I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately
needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and noticed that everybody was staring at me....

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
 A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants s*x, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll k*ll us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."

Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"

"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."

"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."


Saturday, 16 April 2011

Funny Movie Test

The Movie Test
This math test will determine your favorite movie. Amazing
This is pretty damn amazing. Mine turned out to be “Shrek“. That’s my favorite movie! I was surprised how this worked. Be honest and don’t look at the movie list till you have done the math!
Try this test and find out what movie is your favorite. This amazing math quiz can likely predict which of 18 films you would enjoy the most. Don’t ask me how, but it really works!
Movie Test:
1. Pick a number from 1-9.
2. Multiply by 3.
3. Add 3.
4. Multiply by 3 again.
5. Now add the two digits together to find your predicted favorite movie in the list of 18 movies after the break.

Movie List:
1. Gone With The Wind
2. E.T.
3. Blazing Saddles
4. Star Wars
5. Forrest Gump
6. The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly
7. Jaws
8. Grease
9. The Joy of Anal Sex With A Goat
10. Casablanca
11. Jurassic Park
12. Shrek
13. Pirates of the Caribbean
14. Titanic
15. Raiders Of The Lost Ark
16. Home Alone
17. Mrs. Doubtfire
18. Toy Story
Now, ain’t that something…..?
Via Bits and Pieces

Friday, 15 April 2011

Nonsense

TEACHER:- Kabir ka koi doha sunao..?
STUDENT:- Ganga ji ke ghat pe ghatna ghati gambheer, Raheem le gayo Meera ki Pappi fans gaye sant Kabeer


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Height of Coolness-
2 frnds, after exam:
1- Koun sa paper tha?
2- Shayad Maths
1- Yani tune paper padha
2- Na yaar, wo aage wali Ladki CALCULATOR liye baithi thi.


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Father- agar tum fail hue to
mujhe daddy mat kehna… result aane par..
Father- Kya hua result ka ?
Son- Sorry yaar aatma ram tune baap kehlane ka haq kho diya…!!!


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Eak Papu 4 bje uth gya
Ma- Papu mera putr, Papu mera sher, padh likh k paisa kamaega dher.
Papu- Na main tera putr, na koi sher, susu karn utha si, so jaunga fer


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Macchar ne 1 admi ko kata.
Admi-Din me bhi kat rhe HO?
Macchar-Kya kru ghr me Maa-Baap Bimar Hai,bhen Jawan Hai Or Ladke walo Ne 1 litr khoon dahej Me Manga hai…


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Ek baccha mummy se pitne ke baad apne papa se :
Papa kabhi aap Africa gaye ho ?
.
.
.
Papa: nhi beta ..
.
.
.
Baccha: fir itni khofnak item kahan se le aaye…!!!


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Negro died & went heaven!
Angel-Who r u?
Negro:(2 impress Angel)Leonardo Di Caprio(Titanic Hero)
Angel is confused & asks his friend: abe titanic jala tha ki duba tha?


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Maa mein KBC se bol raha hun.Mere Pitaji ka naam kya hai
Maa: Sawal Kitne ka hai.
Banta: 1000 Rupess ka.
Maa: Beta Quit karde 1000 rupaye ke liye ghar mein talwarein nikal aayengi


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Ek Din Santa Apni Scooter Par Kahi Jaa Raha Tha
Traffic Signal Par Usne Apna Sir Khujaya Lekin Helmet Utare Bina,
Yeh Dekh Kar Uske Bazu Wale Ko Ajeeb Sa Mehsus Hua, To Usne Santa Se Pucha
Aadmi: “Are Bhai Apka Sir Mein Khujli Ho Rahi Hai To Helmat Utar Ke Khujao

Santa: “Abe chutiye, Teri Gand Mein Jab Khujli Hoti Hai To Kya Tu Pant Utar Ke Apni Gand Khujata Hai”
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Driving down a road Santa sees a sign that says, “Watch for Fallen Rocks.”
A few kilometres later, he sees some rocks at the side of the road, so he stops and picks them up.
When he gets to the next town, he carries the rocks into the Highway Maintenance office and puts them on the counter.
“Here are your fallen rocks,” he says to the man behind the counter. “Now where is my watch?”.

Rajnikanth new jokes

Recently China airports were closed due to heavy fog. Later it was discovered that Rajnikanth was smoking in India!
Rajnikanth did his KG from seven different schools. Today those institutions are known as IITs!
The Government of India pays tax to Rajnikanth for living here!
When Rajnikanth stares at the sun in anger, the sun hides behind the moon, and this phenomena is knows as a Solar Eclipse!
Rajnikanth woke up one day and decided he would share one per cent of his knowledge with the world. Thus, Google was born!
What would have happened if Rajnikanth was born 150 years ago? The British would have fought for independence!
Even Ghajini remembers Rajni!
When do earthquakes occur? When Rajnikanth's mobile is on vibration mode!
Once Rajnikanth bunked a whole day in school. Since then, that day is known as Sunday!
The Pyramids of Egypt are actually Rajnikanth's primary school craft projects!
ISRO does not exist anymore. Rajnikanth bought all the rockets for Diwali!
Why did Rajnikanth buy an acre of land with four wells on each corner? To play carrom!
Before Tom Cruise, Rajnikanth was approached to do Mission Impossible. He refused, because he found the title insulting!
When Rajinikanth enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on... he turns the dark off.
When Rajinikanth shows you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
There is no such thing as global warming. Rajinikanth was cold, so he turned the sun up
Rajinikanth once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!".
East India Company left India in 1947, Because Rajini was supposed to be born in 1949.
Rajinikanth was offered Aamir's role in "Ghajini" but he denied. Because Rajanikanth can only give memory loss.
Genies rub Rajinikanth and he grants them three wishes.
The Delhi Rajdhani Express once missed Rajinikanth. It ran as fast as it could, but failed to catch him.
We request our readers to jump into the laughter bandwagon and send us their 'Rajini' jokes! We will announce the best three jokes.